A Letter to My Power

...Hey There Beautiful,

I know that recently we’ve been engaged in a dance dripping with seduction, mystery, and trust - but, might I remind you, fierce one… it hasn’t always been this way.

In fact, it seems from the beginning you had a bigger plan for *us.* You were never interested in surrendering yourself to me; you enjoy the cat-and-mouse game we’ve been engaged in for most of this incarnation. You refused to simply hand yourself over. You ran, far far away, in the hopes that I would one day open my eyes and run with tear and dirt stained cheeks into the abyss with nothing but my blood, my voice, and my drum - to call you back to me. You wanted me ripe. You wanted me fed up. You wanted me wild.

I remember when I was very young, you appeared to be so close… as if I could reach my tiny hand out and grab you, squeeze you, and hold on to you ever-so-tight — resting into the knowing that you would always be by my side. But power, you don’t enjoy to be grasped tightly and choked — you desire to be revered, courted, tended too, and deeply embodied.

In a sudden turn of events, you had to disappear. In hindsight I can see how you did this to keep me safe. You slipped into the shadows of my unconscious and out slithered my long-time allies… smallness, people-pleasing, and fear… so much fear.

As I grew I allowed myself to taste small intoxicating doses of you — but your medicine never lasted. You were too big, and I was much too small. It was easier to push you back into the shadows. And for that, I am so sorry.

But now power, oh my. You have been initiating me into levels of the game my soul has been crying out for. You are a lover whom I desire to be with day after day and night after night. You are a feminine vortex of mystery, gauntlets, initiations, trust, agony, and orgasmic bliss.

You have been guiding me through so many portals —boundaries, using my voice, money medicine, intimacy, sexual energy, worth, embodiment, and more sticky, irresistible, taboo humanness than I knew I could handle. You are so deeply entwined in my business-journey. I imagine the spirit of my business and you spending late nights at a dark mysterious piano bar — where the lights are low, the wine is blood red, and the music is hypnotic. You two sit at a table in the back — scheming, creating, playing, and envisioning what’s in store for me. Together, you have lit a feminine fire I am learning, each day, how to tend. Most of the time I truly have *no idea* what I’m doing other than creating as much space as I can muster for you in my being.

To be honest, it feels as though I am just skimming the surface of the multi-dimensional pool that is your nectar. There are still days where I am so afraid — unsure of whether we are truly meant for each other, wavering in my ability to create the expanding space you clearly state you need, and sometimes, afraid of you — and of what we can create together. You are unapologetically big, you are fiercely feminine, you are ruthlessly alive, and you are so profoundly alluring.

I am so committed to our relationship, power. In a way I have never been before. I understand why it took us so long to truly begin this dance. And now that I’m in it, I refuse to sit down. Thank you for coming back, thank you for trusting me, thank you for never giving up on me. May I continue to deepen and widen my container so that you may pour into me and make yourself a home within my body. May I continue to show up for the gauntlets you so carefully craft; may I continue to leap into the fire; may I continue to trust the mystery.

Yours in Devotion,
Pilar

Pictured: Ocotillo - a plant who's power and medicine I have been irrevocably drawn too, and who continues to draw me into deeper layers of power-dripping seduction each time we commune.